i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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