it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
