Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
