its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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