Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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