2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
