do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize