I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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