Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
