I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
