we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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