I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
