I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
