laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
