so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
