I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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