Three words: puerto rican gang bang
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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