Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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