I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
