Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
