i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
