I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
