Why are handjobs necessary in class?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
