Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
