I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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