well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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