Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
