genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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