Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
