so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Randomize
