I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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