sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
