The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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