pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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