My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
