alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
