I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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