I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
