like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
