Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
