Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
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