1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
i would one night stand the shit outta him
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
