Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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