The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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