im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
