like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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