My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
