This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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