I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
