Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
