Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My vagina just recognized that song.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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