I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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