ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
