there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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