Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
