My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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