the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
