3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
