i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
