I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize