I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
You left your phone here
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