are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's blow job season.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
