I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
