the condom got lost in my hair
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
