First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
