I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so let's talk penis.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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