if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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