I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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