I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize