i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
