You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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