all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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