it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
