She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
