the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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