Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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