I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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