i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
