My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
