i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
